How to Deal with Not Being Engaged This Valentine’s Day

I’m gonna be straight real with y’all today.

On Valentine’s Day, I’m a broken mess.

I bet a lot of you are thinking “wait, she has a boyfriend so why would she be so upset on a day like this?” or else “she needs to get over it, she’s not single so she has no idea what I’m feeling”.

Oh, honey. But I do know.

For a long time I struggled with the idea that in order for me to be happy, I HAD to have a man in my life.  Regardless of if that was someone I was talking to, was in a relationship with, or whatever.  It just had to be SOMEONE.

It was hard because when Valentine’s Day would come around, I would gauge my worth based on if someone I cared about or had a crush on pay me enough attention or give me something beautiful.

While yes, this year I am celebrating this day with the man of my dreams who loves me more than I could ever deserve or imagine, I can truly relate to the pain felt during this holiday.  It may not be in terms of being single, but it is in terms of something else:

MARRIAGE.

Friends, it can be so hard to watch those closest to me get engaged.

I am overjoyed at the thought of my closest companions finding the person they were destined to be with. It makes me so happy to see the suffering finally end in some of the lives of my girls.

However, it causes me to question. When is my time finally coming? Will it ever arrive?

My friends try to encourage me with things like “when you know, you just know”.  Oh trust me girl, I know. It’s just the whole waiting game I have to play.  And to top it off, just because you know, doesn’t mean it’s the right time…right?

I’m so glad I’m not the only one that is feeling this way.  I have plenty of friends who are confident they have found “the one” and are patiently trying to endure a time period where you have no idea what’s going to happen.

But another question I have been faced with is, how long should this time period be?

This brings me back to the quote “when you know, you just know”.  Now I totally understand that the Lord could be speaking into your life and very clearly reveal that this is the right time for engagement and marriage.  Go you!  That is so amazing!

However, it can also be not so clear.  For example, that is something that is happening in my relationship right now.  We definitely know that we are right for one another, but when is the right time? Is it now, before I graduate and move to Florida?  Is it while I am down there and he is finishing school? Is it waiting another year until he graduates and we can plan together?

WHAT TIME, JESUS??

Blargh.  I really wish God still spoke audibly to us.

I saw a quote the other day that said “sometimes I just wish God would sit down on my bed with me and tell me what I should do next”.

GIRL PREACH.

It would be so much easier to make decisions if we knew exactly what God wanted for us!!

But all this still doesn’t make me feel any better.  How am I supposed to handle the stresses of watching all of my friends get married while I feel left in the wings of the stage?

One of the most important lessons I have learned these past three years is that God not only has the perfect plan for my life, but He also has the perfect timing:

Joe and I dated our sophomore year of high school. After going through a pretty nasty breakup, we didn’t talk for about three years. We tried again during our freshman year in college but it simply didn’t work.  Even still, God had the perfect timing.

Looking back, I am SO glad we didn’t begin a relationship then.  Neither one of us were mature enough for the relationship we desired for one another, and if I can be frank, I don’t think we would have been able to handle each other’s baggage.

We didn’t talk for another two years.  I left an abusive relationship and for some odd reason, the Lord really put Joe on my heart. He pursued me for a few months and we began dating again.  This July will be our three YEAR anniversary.

This story reminds me of how good of a God we serve.  We began our relationship long distance and struggled through it. We tried to break up multiple times but the Lord kept pursuing us. We decided to make God the center of our relationship, and slowly but surely He has been transforming us into the people He wants us to be.  I could NEVER have imagined who we would become both separately and together.  He complements me so much more than I could have imagined.

My point to sharing this is by being patient, God formed us into the right people we were made to be not only for God’s purposes, but for one another.  I know He isn’t finished with us yet, and I am so glad He’s not. Whatever time Jesus has for us to take the plunge will be exactly the time we desire, even though we don’t know what that is yet.

So please, dear friends, be patient.  Especially during this Valentine’s Day season, remember that just because you aren’t engaged doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.

God has something beautiful in store for you.  All you need to do is be patient.

Thank the good Lord I’m not engaged.

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