I’m a Big Kid Now

I would be very impressed if you didn’t just sing that song in your head right now. I know I would!

These past five days I have been in the heart of Melbourne, Florida, looking for a place to live after graduation.  In just six short weeks, I will no longer call Ohio my home. Beach here I come!

While I definitely have nothing to complain about, these past five days have been utterly exhausting.  Learning how to communicate with my parents about what I want, where we are going, and understanding the customs and dialogue of the natives has been quite the struggle. I never thought just how difficult it would be to have to state my intentions, plans, and desires all in the same sentence without sounding rude, snobbish, or self-centered (you try talking about graduating in engineering as a woman sometime).

Growing up I always told myself I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. I never saw my big dreams as a reality because I truly believed they would never come true.

This trip to Florida has shown me just how great of a God I serve. Looking back, I remember watching a movie called “October Sky”, a film about a boy who was a mathematical prodigy who helped NASA solve incredibly complex problems and ended up saving a space rocket.  I was transfixed by the insurmountable knowledge the young boy had, so I desired it for myself.  Thus began my obsession with the profession of rocket scientists.

As the years dragged on, I was quickly led to believe that I was not gifted in math and there was absolutely no hope.  No matter how hard I thought I worked, everyone around me seemed to be surpassing any knowledge I thought I gained.

This left me incredibly discouraged. Going into middle school was awful because I felt stupid and left behind by the rest of my peers.  They were all in higher math classes than me, but little did I know my Pre-Algebra teacher would change my life forever.

He taught that math could be fun, applicable to the real world, and it was easy to manipulate if you understood the concepts.  This reshaped my view of the field and soon I was consumed in it.  Engineering classes in high school opened my eyes to how design could be combined with math and I was hooked.

Going into college, however, was a completely different story.  My classes were difficult and I was stuck in the architecture field because it took me two years to figure out it wasn’t where I wanted to be.  I was devastated because I couldn’t see how that dream rocket scientist job could come out of what little experience I had in the “real” engineering design world.

Then God struck me with the most mind-blowing opportunity I could have asked for: a job in the military defense industry.

Door after door flew open as I pursued Harris Corporation, one of the nation’s largest military government contractor. They had an entire department for Space Intelligence, completely devoted to RF and Antenna design that would be sent into space.  I was immediately hooked.

Soon I found myself traveling to Florida for a final round interview. Shortly following this I received a job offer and quite surprisingly accepting it.  Now, as I write this post on my flight back to Columbus and reflect on my journey thus far, I can’t help but clearly see God’s hand through it all.

im a big kid now apartmentIt was almost exactly one month from when I first heard about Harris to when I received my offer of employment.  It was there, driving a rental car four sizes too big for me, listening to a perfectly tuned Christian radio station that just so happened to be playing when I turned on the ignition, where God met me where I was at.

I remember that morning waking up and leaving for the interview around 7:30am.  I remember taking a turn onto Highway A1a and turning up the radio because I needed something to distract me from all the nerves. Oceans was the first song that morning I heard, the lyrics beckoning to my soul:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

Hillsong UNITED

I mean, how beautiful is that?? I was dumbfounded as I pulled in to the parking lot of the most beautiful building I had ever laid eyes on, tears practically streaming down my face.

Five months later, as I would stand on the beach across the street from the condo I soon would sign for, the same prayer repeated over and over:

Who are you, God, to love someone so broken? Who are you, God, to love me this way? To answer my dreams of sixteen years with more than anything I could have ever asked for? Who are you, God, to love your creation so much that you would lead me in a direction I never saw coming? Who are you, oh God?

And oh, did my Father respond:

I’m living in awe

You don’t need me at all

But You couldn’t love me more


In Awe by Hollyn

So if this doesn’t tell you something, just know this: if my God can pull me out of the ashes of questioning, abuse, abandonment, and jealousy, then friend. Imagine how much more He is willing and ABLE to do for you.